Best Man’s Role in a Wedding
The best man plays a very important role in the wedding. While he may not be as involved in the wedding plans and preparations as the maid of honor, he does participate in his own way. The groom is less likely than the bride to feel that it is very important to have his best friend in on every decision so the majority of the responsibilities of the best man take place either at the wedding or in the few days prior to the wedding. Planning the bachelor party, organizing suit collection, organising the groomsmen, holding the ring during the ceremony and offering the first toast at the reception are just a few of the responsibilities that the best man is responsible for.
Organising the bachelor party is one of the biggest roles that the best man plays in a wedding. This party is typically a night for the groom and his friends to share one more night of bonding before the wedding. As one of the closest friends of the groom, the best man is able to choose a time, location and activities for the bachelor party that the groom will enjoy.
The best man’s main role is to supervise and coordinate the groomsmen. The best man takes on the responsibility of ensuring that all of the groomsmen are aware of when they need to be somewhere and what they need to be doing. Taking on the roll of coordinator for the men in the wedding party unburdens the groom of this task. The groom no longer has to worry about making multiple phone calls every time there is a slight change of plans. He can simply call his best man and then rely on the best man to make everyone aware of the situation and expectations. In general the best man is there to be the groom’s friend and help to alleviate his fears and to make things easy for him. Knowing that the best man will take care of organising and coordinating the groomsmen and will always be there to listen allows the groom to relax and trust that none of the details will be overlooked.
After the wedding if the bride and groom are leaving immediately after the reception for their honeymoon, the best man is responsible for returning any hired items back to the shop.
In addition to all of his pre-wedding preparations, the best man also plays a couple of roles during the wedding ceremony and the reception. During the ceremony the best man lends his support by standing beside the groom in a display of solidarity. The best man also safeguards the rings during the ceremony until they are requested. This is imperative because the groom is likely to be nervous and may forget where he put the rings for safekeeping. Entrusting the rings to the best man, however, ensures that the rings will be kept safe and not misplaced.
One of the most important responsibilities of the best man is to offer the first toast to the bride and the groom at the reception. In this role the best man is not only offering his sentiment to the new couple but he is also expressing the feelings of all of those in attendance. While everyone at the reception may wish to convey their feelings of good will, it is the best man who is able to do so publicly.
In general the role of the best man is to support the groom and to act in the best interest of the groom. Although there are certain responsibilities such as planning the bachelor party, safeguarding the wedding rings, coordinating the groomsmen and offering the first toast at the reception, the biggest role of the best man is to be a friend to the groom.
Gifts for the Groomsmen
Choosing a gift for the groomsmen could be a difficult task for many grooms. Most grooms don’t want to go with a gift that is too traditional or unoriginal but they also struggle with feelings that a gift that is too creative may not be appropriate. Perhaps the most important aspect of a groomsmen gift is not whether it is traditional or unique but whether or not it fits the personality of the recipient. As long as you know your groomsmen very well and put an honest effort into finding their groomsmen gifts you are sure to find a gift that will be enjoyed by your groomsmen.
A gift that will be appreciated by most guys is a financial contribution towards the outfit he is to wear for the wedding. Depending on your financial status, the Groom could pay for part of the Groomsmen’s outfit. Alternatively he could offer to pay the hire fee for the vest etc. If a specific tie has been selected to compliment the bridesmaids dresses, the groom can buy the tie and matching hanky for each groomsman.
A traditional groomsmen gift ideas is a hip flask. If this is something that you think your groomsmen will fully enjoy then by all means go out and buy them the most attractive silver or leather flask that you can find. A nice touch is to get the Groomsman’s name and the date of the wedding engraved on the flask.
Cuff links or tie clips are another traditional gift idea for a groom to give to his groomsmen. As many guys don’t often wear shirts that require cufflinks, many groomsmen do not own cufflinks so giving them as a gift ensures that the groomsmen will have these items to wear on your wedding day. Many Grooms like to get their Groomsmen matching cufflinks, however, if is often a nice idea to select different cufflinks that will mach each Groomsman’s personality.
A men’s aftershave can be another unique gift idea for the groomsmen. Choosing a nice fragrance is a useful gift that will not be wasted.
Another idea for giving gifts for your groomsmen is to give each man a different gift. While the groomsmen are all close friends of the groom and may have certain common interests, they all still have something about them that makes them unique. You could recognize their individuality by personalizing a unique gift for each of your groomsmen.
Bracelets or watches are another traditional groomsmen gift idea. Depending on your budget, you might want to purchase a watch or bracelet that is appropriate to wear on your wedding day. This is a wonderful gift that not only expresses your appreciation for participating in your wedding but also gives the groomsmen a nice accessory to wear at your wedding and other formal functions.
Groomsmen can be difficult to buy gifts for because many of the traditional groomsmen gifts seem boring or impractical. Traditional gifts can be made more modern with the introduction of a twist such as a variation in each groomsman’s gift instead of giving them each the exact same thing. The most important thing to consider in choosing a gift for your groomsmen is to make sure the gift will reflect the personality of the recipient.
At Just For Him we have a large range of Gifts and Accessories that make the perfect Groomsman’s gift. In addition, if you are purchasing your wedding outfits from Just For Him, we are happy to offer a discount on all Groomsman’s gifts.
For further gift ideas, go to our online shop.
WHO PAYS FOR WHAT?
You and your bride have a dream wedding planned in your minds, but do you actually know who’s going to pay for what at the wedding? Traditionally, the bride’s family would pick up the tab but with the average cost of a wedding skyrocketing, and more couples getting married later in life, these traditional roles are far from set in stone.
Here are some scenarios of who pays for these Traditional Responsibilities
The Bride’s family pays for:
- Reception costs, including food, music, decorations, rental fees and entertainment
- Ceremony costs including rental fees, decorations
- Flowers for Ceremony and Reception
- The Bride’s wedding dress and accessories
- Invitations, announcements, programs, and mailing costs
- Their own attire and travel expenses
The Groom’s family pays for:
- The rehearsal dinner, including food, invitations, decorations and entertainment
- Their own attire and travel expenses
The Bride pays for:
- The Groom’s wedding ring
- A wedding gift for the Groom
- Her hair, makeup, beauty treatments
- Gifts for her attendants
- Sometimes accommodation for any out-of-town bridesmaids
The Groom pays for:
- The Bride’s engagement ring and wedding ring
- The honeymoon
- A wedding gift for the Bride
- The Bride’s bouquet
- Gifts for his attendants
- Corsages for the mothers and grandmothers
- Boutonnières for men in the wedding party
- Sometimes accommodation for any out-of-town Groomsmen
- Fee for the officiant
The Groomsmen pay for:
- The Bucks function, this can be split evenly amongst all groomsmen
- A gift for the Groom from all the Groomsmen.
When the bride and groom are older, or whose parents don’t have resources The Bride and Groom may pay for all wedding costs themselves
A modern take on who pays for what at a wedding: After announcing their engagement, the Bride and Groom sit down and estimate what they’ll spend on the wedding, probably after finding a reception site and making general decisions about theme, style, time of day etc. They then may choose to ask their parents if they would like to contribute. If their parents say they can’t afford to contribute, or only offer a small amount, the bride and groom say, “Thank you for considering,” and perhaps have to revise their budget or find creative ways to pay for the wedding.
Split the budget three ways In this scenario, the Bride’s family, the Groom’s family, and the Bride and Groom themselves each pay for one third of the budget. Typically, this means they will also each invite one third of the guests.
DONT FORGET THE DADS
When it comes to what to wear to the wedding, everyone is usually focused on the Bride, Bridesmaids, Groom & Groomsmen, making sure that they will look good. Next come the mums. They usually are very capable sorting themselves out but everyone seems to forget the FOB and the FOG- (Father of the Bride and Father of the Groom)
So what should they wear?
Has a very important role. If he is walking his daughter down the aisle all eyes will be on him. First and foremost he should be well groomed. He needs to wear the equivalent of what the Groom and Groomsmen are wearing. If they are wearing a suit, so should he. In fact, he can, as the FOB go one step further and wear a Tuxedo.
If they are wearing a tie, so should he. To tie in with everyone, it is a nice touch to ensure that the FOB’s tie (and hanky) match / compliment his partners outfit.
His son is taking the big step of getting married and the best way to show his pride to him is to attend the wedding looking good. The FOG should not be outdone by the FOB. Its a good idea to find out what the FOB is wearing and wear the equivalent. Its ok for you both to wear the same colour suit, but try be a little individual. If the FOB is wearing a two piece suit – the FOG could look a little different by wearing a vest with his suit. Again, its a nice touch if the FOG’s tie compliments his partners outfit.
How Old ?
If the FOB / FOG are not ‘regular’ suit wearers and “don’t need” a new one as they already have one, It is a good idea to ask them to show it to you. Their idea of a perfectly good suit may be a little different to yours! If everyone else in the wedding party is wearing a well fitting suit, it is important that the FOB / FOG are not wearing an ill fitting one.
If the FOB / FOG insist that they don’t want to buy a new suit as they will never get the wear out of it, an alternative solution would be for them to wear a Dark Navy or Black Blazer with contrasting trousers. The advantage to the blazer is that it can be worn on less formal occasions.
Suit prices depend on brand and fabric that is selected. However, it should be all about how the outfit is put together and most importantly the fit. Whether you are small, short, tall or large, JFH will be able to show you a range of suits that will fit both your body shape and your budget. Suits packages at Just For Him start at $299 (see advert on page 4) Brands carried at JFH include Studio Italia, Cambridge, Gibson, New England, Shoreditch, Milano. They also have access to most other brands on the market.
The right fit
Too many men wear suits and shirts that don’t fit correctly. Todays suits should have only two buttons, slightly narrower lapels and flat front trousers. Sleeves should NOT extend past the wrist. It doesn’t matter what shape you are, todays suits should not be baggy! Out of date suits should be retired. If there is one occasion when its important to look your best, its at your child’s wedding.
Some men think its perfectly ok and choose to wear shirts that are way too big as they feel more comfortable. If the shoulders of the shirt extend past the actual shoulders and if you can fit more than 1 finger into the collar of the shirt when its done up – the shirt is too big! At the other end of the scale, if the top button of the shirt cannot be done up, the shirt is too small. He cannot just leave the top button undone and push the tie up to cover it as it never sits properly. A shirt that is the correct size should be comfortable all over.
How to measure for a shirt
There are two factors that determine what size shirt a man should wear – 1. What size his neck is and 2. What body shape he has. The first step is to measure around his neck making sure the tape measure sits where a collar would. To ensure he has room to breath, either put your finger against his neck when measuring or add 1cm. If a mans neck is 40 cm, that is what size his shirt should be. Next is the fit – you need to determine what fit / cut will be best.
Classic Cut – Is the most generous. Suitable for men with a girth that is larger than the chest.
City Slim – Not as generous as a Classic. This style is a comfortable fit for most men of average proportions.
Slim Fit – This is suitable for fit / slim bodies
Body Fit – This is a body hugging shirt suitable for a slight build or very fit body.
Once you have the neck size and know the body shape, it is now easy to select a shirt that will look good and be comfortable.
Help on hand
The easiest way to get the FOB and the FOG sorted for the wedding is to make an appointment and take them into Just For Him. If the mothers have selected their outfit for the wedding, take it along to the styling. The experienced staff at JFH will ask questions such as :
- How often do you wear a suit
- Do you have a budget you would like to stick to
- What colour is your wife / partner wearing
- How formal is the wedding, what are the boys wearing
They will then select an outfit that will compliment the wedding party and his partner but most importantly, it will fit his body and budget.
Don’t forget Grandpa!
Whatever you call him, your grandfather should not be forgotten! If you are fortunate to have a grandfather, take the time to ask him what he plans on wearing to the wedding. If he says he is all set and doesn’t want a new suit that is fine. However, it would make him feel special if you went out and bought him a new shirt, tie and matching hanky for the big day. If Grandpa will be partnering someone, his tie should compliment their outfit. However, if Grandpa is attending alone, it is nice if his tie compliments the wedding party.
The History of the Cufflink
Cufflinks have been a part of men’s wardrobe’s for over a millennium. Royal families have commissioned cufflinks to mark weddings or other special events for centuries and historians have even noted the cufflinks’ presence in ancient Egyptian paintings!
But what are the origins of the cufflink? The first time that the cufflink was brought to attention was in the nineteenth century novel The Count of Monte-Cristo. It was this book that discussed in detail Baron Danglars ‘French Cuff’ and how great envy was sparked when onlookers saw the enormous diamonds that glittered in his shirt sleeves. The description was so fantastic that tailors immediately recognized how outfitting french society with such details could distinguish their clients.
It wasn’t long before a cuffed shirt sporting cufflinks became a characteristic mark of a true, modern gentleman. It wasn’t long before cufflinks started to commonly appear at the wrists of men wanting to look extra special.
Cufflinks’ materials and styles have varied due to fashion trends, but regardless of what they look like and what they are made of, the addition of cufflinks can still personalize a suit.
Tradition says a man should never buy his own cufflinks, they should be gifts meant to mark an occasion.
These days men have come to recognize the importance cufflinks passed-down from a grandfather, or given by a best friend at his wedding and might solely rely on such pieces for formal affairs.
The main thing to remember in choosing your cufflinks especially for your wedding day, is to keep in mind the fact that they should compliment your other accessories. Your cufflinks should match your watch and other jewelry you’ll be wearing.
Positioning the flower (Boutonniere) on the guys jacket
I have seen so many photos of my grooms and unfortunately, many have had their Boutonniere (flower) pinned in the wrong position. Here are some points to follow so that you don’t end up getting it wrong!
- The flower should always go on the Left lapel.
- It should be positioned half way between the top of the pocket and the Peak / Notch of the lapel.
- The flower should be pinned ON the lapel, Not on the breast of the jacket.
- The angle of the flower should be parallel to the outside edge of the lapel.
- It should NOT be in line with the pocket
- It should NOT be put in the button hole that is on many jacket lapels
Real flowers are lovely to smell and look at, but unfortunately, when pinned against a warm body, the flower can start to droop or turn brown before it should! This is especially the case on a warm day. Flowers also don’t like to be hugged! A good alternative would be to have an artificial boutonniere. There are many options available – so realistic that no one will ever guess that they are not the real thing. A big plus is that the Boutonniere will stay looking great all day and you will have something to keep long after the wedding is over.
The length of your suit’s pants can make you look longer, shorter, trendier or old-fashioned. The length depends on your personal preference. That is rule number one; follow your personal style rather than what a salesperson is telling you. However, there is certain etiquette you might want to know about. In most cultures, the pants of the suit should be 1 cm above the sole of your shoe when standing up straight (measured from the back of the pants). Just remember – Trousers that are any shorter will show more of your sock / calf when you sit down. Longer trousers will just bag around the ankle which just looks like you couldn’t be bothered to get them tailored. They will spoil the total look of the outfit.
Pocket Hankies – to wear or not to wear ?
Nothing finishes off a look to a men’s suit like adding a pocket square or men’s handkerchief to your ensemble. It’s an easy and inexpensive accessory to add class to your appearance and a dash of color to your suit. Pocket hanks are for decoration – they are not for blowing your nose on.
While a simple white men’s handkerchief with satin stripes is all that is necessary to complete the look, there are several different ways to fold a handkerchief depending on the look you want to achieve. Once the handkerchief is folded and put into the breast pocket of the jacket, the top of the hanky should protrude approximately an inch to an inch and half.
The pocket hankie is also referred to as a pocket square and dress handkerchief. The only difference being the size, a pocket square being smaller.
Types of ways to fold your hankie:
- Pleated (JFH signature fold)
Points that the Groom should adhere to
- Don’t get your hair cut too close to the wedding day. Do it at least 2 weeks before the big day.
- If you are a guy who’s job includes manual labour, it goes without saying that your hands probably don’t look 100%. If this is the case, a few days before the wedding, put some effort into trying to make them look a bit better. If you have some time – go get a MANicure. The professionals will be able to get your hands and nails looking much better. If you don’t want to do that, get a nail brush and give your nails and hands a scrub. Trim your nails nice and short and then put some moisturiser onto them. Your bride will really appreciate the effort you have put into having nice hands for your wedding day – She WILL notice !
- If you have bought new shoes for the special occasion, wear them in before the big day. Wear socks that are thicker than dress socks and wear the shoes for at least an hour or so around the house.
- Make sure that you have new socks for the big day. There is nothing worse than discovering when its too late that all your socks sport holes or that you only have one of each sock and have to end up wearing mis-matched socks.
- Collect your suit and have EVERYTHING you need at home at least three weeks before your wedding. You need to then TRY EVERYTHING ON . If you are missing something or something is not quite right, you then have time to get it sorted out. If you cant get your suit / outfit until closer to the big day, it is even more important to – TRY EVERYTHING ON as soon as you get it home. DONT LEAVE IT TO THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING to try it all on. If you leave it to the day of your wedding to try everything on and THEN discover a problem…. you have just created stress for yourself as you will probably have no time to sort it out. Most shops would be more than happy to sort out a problem if you tell them within a couple of days of collecting it. You cant blame them for a mistake if you have left it to the wedding day. This also goes for all the men / boys in the wedding party.
- Get your best man to put some headache tablets in his jacket pocket. On the big day, if you feel the slightest twinge of the beginnings of a headache – take a tablet DONT WAIT UNTIL YOUR HEAD IS POUNDING!!
- Keep hydrated – take some small bottles of water in an Esky with you. In times of stress you can get a very dry mouth! Also, if you are getting married and the day is warm, its nice to have some water available during the photo shoot to keep you refreshed. Water is much more effective to keep you hydrated than alcohol – Wait until the reception until you start on the alcohol.
- In your little Esky also include ‘Wet wipes’, Deodorant / Aftershave – so you can clean your sweaty armpits and freshen up prior to the reception.
- If you are a person that perspires a lot and you are getting married in the warmer months, it is a good idea to have a second shirt on standby. After the photo shoot, go into the ‘men’s room’ and freshen up. Re-apply some deodorant and aftershave, put on your clean shirt and you will smell fresh, look cool and be ready for the reception.
- When you and your groomsmen are standing waiting for the Bride and bridesmaids to make their grand entrance, be aware of how you are standing, smiling etc. You have to remember that people are probably taking photos of you. In fact, you need to keep this in mind the whole day.
- Make sure that you have a clothes brush with you where you are getting ready. Before you leave, give each others suit a brush down to get rid of any fluff, dandruff of animal hair that may have attached itself onto your suit.
- Don’t try to put your vest and jacket on buy yourself – Help each other by holding the vest / jacket so the person can just slip into it. You have just tucked in your shirt. If you try put the vest/ jacket on yourself, it will come un-tucked.
- Make sure that you pull your shirt cuffs down so that approx 1cm of the cuff protrudes from the jacket sleeve.
- Every now and again – check your tie. The knot can come loose, so before photos, speeches etc, just check that it is sitting nice and tight against the collar.
- Make sure that your tie is the correct length. If you are wearing a vest, the bottom of the tie should not be seen peeking out the bottom of the vest. If you are NOT wearing a vest, the bottom of the tie should just touch the top of your trousers.
- Ensure you get photos of all the boys getting ready. If you don’t have a professional photographer booked to do this, get the boys to take some candid photos of each other, or invite a friend to take some candid photos for you.